Family

My family is small. Very small. It’s just the 4 of us. Dad, Mom, my brother, and me. I don’t have many aunts or uncles, which results in few cousins. All of my grandparents are gone. One time for Christmas, I got slippers from my uncle and they were a women’s nine when I was like a kids eight. Like, come on! Ask for the size shoe before you go out and by random slippers, for a niece you barely know! Our Christmases are small, and so are our Thanksgivings. Just the 4 of us. And the dog. For holidays, we usually find something to distract us from the family in Maryland, Virginia, and Florida. Like skiing. 

We have our Thanksgivings at our beach house where we are totally secluded from reality. Our Christmases are always spent at home. Most of my friends say “Oh yeah, I am going to my grandma’s house for Christmas!” and “Oh I’m gonna go to South Carolina to see all of my relatives.” Every single time they say that I think of my family. I want to burst into tears. They will always ask me what I am going to do for Christmas and Thanksgiving. I don’t even know what to say. Most times, I lie and say we are having a big family get-together with ugly Christmas sweaters and presents and spiral ham. They are so lucky that they have that, cause some people don’t. Why can’t I have a family like that? I would give anything to spend an hour with all of my relatives. But it won’t happen. My mom’s brother doesn’t talk to her. My step-grandmother, my mom’s step-mother,  doesn’t even know I exist. My favorite cousin lives all the way in Elkton Maryland. My other cousin just moved to Florida. It’s almost like my family is just fading away.

Drifting farther and farther from each other. It could be much worse, but I try to make the best of it. My kinda step-cousin just died of a drug overdose. She was 23 and had a 6-year-old daughter. I feel really sorry for my uncle and aunt, but really, I didn’t even really know her. I would love to trade lives with my friend whose grandparents live right next to her, even if it’s just for a day. Sometimes, when we are celebrating a holiday, I like having a small family. We don’t have to buy gifts for 15 or more people. There’s just the 4 of us. 

Happiness is a silent cure. It can heal the wounded; fix the shattered. But sometimes you can be so broken, like a cracked china plate, that even super glue can’t heal you. So you are stuck with a physical or mental cut. It will never be repaired or mended. These empty holes in your heart could go one of two ways. They can tear you down or build you up, making you that much more stronger and valuable.