It was a dark and stormy night, and Jamal and Henry were eating at Taco Bell. Jamal had a Taco Bell crunch wrap Supreme, and Henry was eating a 12 piece soft taco box. (BTW I actually mean the box). Henry chewed down the last of the cardboard, and they left the restaurant vacant. As they were driving their Lamborghini down the street, they saw an ice cream truck.
“FOLLOW IT!!!!” Henry screamed.
You see, right before, they went to a bar, may or may not have gotten drunk, and you will see how that turned out.
They rammed into the ice cream truck at 900mph and killed the driver. The Ice cream truck was unscathed, and after eating cardboard, Henry was craving something sweet. After Jamal and Henry threatened a mole, who happened to be a CIA agent named Mole in the ice cream truck, crammed themselves full, threw up, crammed themselves full again, and then they left the scene.
They then drove home to their 5-story mansion. It had a hot tub, an indoor farm for leaves and carrots, and a robotic butler. They instantly fell asleep. After 14 hours of sound sleeping, they woke up and reeed for 10 straight minutes. After that, the police finally showed up, and Jamal somehow bribed them with a cone of moose tracks ice cream, his favorite. I wonder why.
It was finally Monday, and Mr. E(xtra damage) told Jamal and Henry to come to his office.
“There is a mole among us,” he said from the end of his table. “One of our new agents is false. We don’t know who it is, because they corrupted our database. Find them, and bring them to me.”
Since the meeting took all day, as usual, Jamal and Henry went back to their mansion.
Jamal and Henry walked into their mansion. Inside they found…a giant gift basket full chocolate.
“GIMME CHOCOLATE!!!” Henry cried as tore open the wrapper. “What’s this?”
“What’s what?” Jamal asked.
“A note.” Henry started reading. “The mole is the new guy, Jasper. Sincerely, Mystery Man. P.S. All this chocolate is poisoned.”
“Ugh, I feel sick,” Jamal said. Then he collapsed.
Henry ran over and began to give Jamal mouth-to-mouth. “Don’t die on me, don’t die!”
Jamal sat up. “I saved your life!” Henry cried.
“No, I was faking.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think?”
“Because it’s funny?”
“No, because it’s a joke.”
Henry sighed. “Do you know who Jasper is?”
“Yeah, he’s some new guy.”
“I think he did it. He’s new, so he’s a perfect fit for the mole. Let’s arrest him.”
“WOAH!” Jamal cried. “Woah, Woah, Woah. We can’t arrest him without getting a permit. But I don’t feel like getting one. Let’s just look through his file.”
“Awww, it’s classified!” Henry cried. “Now we are going to have to hack a computer!”
Ten minutes later, Jamal plugged a USB and started typing. After a few minutes, space invaders music started playing.
“Um… shouldn’t you be hacking,” Henry said.
“This is hacking.”
“It’s playing Space Invaders.”
“Henry, this is the most powerful hacking method there is. So just shut up.”
The computer dinged. Level Complete! Henry and Jamal squinted at the computer screen. They read:
File: Jasper “Da Boss” Jones
Species: Panthera leo(Lion)
Address: Employee Housing Unit 658
Records:
Was arrested for being an evil agent for the organization AIC(Artificial Intelligence Cult).
Was in the IRM(Idiotic Retarded Morons). Got kicked out for being a lion. Animal racism is real.
“JASPER WAS A MEMBER OF THE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE CULT!“
“Those pesky morons,” Jamal growled.
“Let’s go find Jasper,” Henry said.
They started off in the CIA Agent Housing. The spotted Jasper walking back from the employee cafeteria. He turned a corning down one of the housing hallways.
Jamal whispered, “Jasper lives in room 658. Let’s go.”
Soon, Jamal and Henry were running through the halls of the CIA agent housing looking for room 658. They found it and saw Jasper close the door behind him, they listened through the door and heard a scraping noise, some footsteps, then the noise again, they kicked down the door, what they saw looked perfectly normal. Henry walked over to a bookshelf and said to Jamal, “Hey Jamal, I think I saw a glint from behind these two books.”
“Check it out,” Jamal said while coming over.
They moved the two books and behind it was a red button lined in silver.
“Should we press it?” Henry asked.
“I will, step back.”
` Jamal pressed the button and heard a scraping noise and instinctively jumped back and the bookshelf slid back and into the wall leaving an opening. Jamal and Henry saw Jasper turn the corner and disappear. Jamal started running and Henry was already flying down the tunnel when they turned the corner they saw Jasper jump through a hole in the wall and then ran over and jumped through too, where they saw a small tan creature and Jasper fighting but the creature was running in circles until Jasper made a noise and then struck.
“Wait a second, that’s Mole!” Jamal said
“How is he even fighting? He can barely see anything.”
“He’s using his ears he only attacks when he hears Jasper.”
“But why would Mole be down here, unless, he’s the real mole!” Henry suddenly realized.
“We gotta help Jasper, he can’t fight for long.”
Henry and Jamal jumped into action and Mole instantly dodged them when Jamal shouted “Hiiiii-YAAAA!” As he Kun-Fu chopped the ground where Mole was standing.
“But how?” Jamal said, confused.
“He fights by hearing.”
“What if we take him out with something that makes noise after it hurts him?”
So Jamal pulled out his trusty AK-47
“Nope, slow down Jamal, we aren’t here to blow off his legs and incinerate him in the most painful way possible,” Henry said, stopping Jamal.
Jamal whimpered sadly,” Awwww, but I wanna see a big explosion,” while pulling out his pistol that’s still powerful enough to shatter bones completely.
Jamal shot mole in the legs and heard, “SHIRT!” (I can’t put in the word he actually said or else I’ll get in trouble, this is the closest word to what he said that won’t offend as many people).
“Can I blow up someone else instead then?” Jamal asked.
“No, because that’s still illegal”
“Laws suck,” Jamal muttered.
A little while later, Jamal, Henry, and Jasper went back to the CIA base with Mole and turned him in, and promptly got yelled at for not taking him to the hospital. Then they told them he’s the mole and they were all like, “Oh, let him suffer, he deserves it.”
“How did you figure out it was me?” said Mole
“It was pretty obvious” Jasper responded
“But I covered up everything that would lead you to me, I even gave Jamal and Henry a fake mission. Who would think a mole named Mole would be the mole!” He paused and thought, “I’m suddenly realizing how one could come to that conclusion.”
After the whole thing was over, Jamal, Henry, and Jasper met together to talk.
“What was the Artificial Intelligence Cult?” Jamal asked.
“That thing? That is just “CIA” backward with a different meaning. It was a secret project to make an artificial intelligence device that could find criminals. It was canceled when it went crazy and tried to kill everyone.” Jasper explained
“Ohhh. That explains a lot,” Jamal responded.
Mole was arrested then put in a hospital so he would live to see trial, which found him guilty and was given 16 life sentences on multiple murders and fraud. Jamal and Henry gave all the credit to Jasper and said they only shot Mole before he could kill Jasper
Jasper was given a medal but not Jamal and Henry, not this time. But Jasper gave them each $2,000 for helping him not die. But the CIA gave them participation medals afterward.
The Middle Seat 